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Extreme Promise Book

11th July 2013 Christian Books 36 Comments

This unique promise book pairs topically indexed Scripture from the New King James Version with relevant commentary by Teen Mania President Ron Luce. Adeptly addressing the needs of today’s youth, Luce guides teens to a deeper understanding of Christ and a closer walk with Him.

Extreme Promise Book

  • 36 responses to "Extreme Promise Book"

  • Daniel Jorgensen
    4:33 on July 11th, 2013
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    I’ve never reviewed anything on before. But after reading this book and reviewing some of the comments, I had to say something.

    First on the book… I think it is an amazing insight into dating in our culture. The book isn’t as much about not dating as it is about realizing the opportunity you have as a single person to work for God. He’s basically arguing that for the amount of time and energy we put into worrying about the person we just met at the bar last night, we have an even better opportunity to use that energy work for and bless God.

    He’s not saying anyone can’t date. Rather, he’s questioning the motivations we have behind dating and asking people to really be honest with themselves. One of the reviews posted here on Amazon said something to the effect that “Harris is wrong, I need to date to learn more about relationships and the opposite sex.” Got news for you, this is the exact reason Harris says you shouldn’t be dating. If you view dating in and of itself as a reason to improve your own “dating skills”, you’re using the other person in the relationship. In some of the reviews people are basically saying, “Hey, I need to date that way when I meet the right person I’ll be ready!” Again, this is selfish and speaks to many of Harris’s points about how we use people to refine our opinions of the opposite sex. It’s as if we can take a peice of each person we’ve dated in the past and we’ll combine them into the perfect spouse!

    I think the reason this book sparks so much debate is because it really calls some people out in terms of their own dating lives. Harris basically says, “If you’ve been with someone for so long and haven’t figured out if you’re going to marry them, it’s time to move on because all you’re doing is using the other person.” Oooh boy – I can see some people not liking this. But it’s so true!!! He’s saying, “Sex should be saved for marriage.” Again, I’m sure someone will argue, “but I love the person!” – but if you really love the person, you’ll wait.

    I guess what’s crazy, especially after reading some of the reviews, is that people believe Harris says we just shouldn’t date at all. Again, please actually read the book. Harris is really saying that we need to reexamine our reasons for dating in the first place and to enter into our relationships with the opposite sex with God’s intentions in mind (selfless love and friendship). He argues we rush into dating to fulfill our romantic needs (needs that only fulfill our selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other person as a friend in Christ.

    I would whole heartedly recommend this book to anyone who is single and struggling with their dating life.

  • tradeking
    6:15 on July 11th, 2013
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    This book is a really good way to help deal with problems in your everyday life. It has a multitude of feelings and helpful advice that tie into scripture. My cousin let me borrow hers and it has helped me so much to grow in faith.

  • Ph.D.
    10:11 on July 11th, 2013
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    I bought this book several years ago but I could not really get into it then. This year in Bible we had a choice between three books. I chose “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. When it was the beginning of my junior year I made a commitment not to date anyone until my first year of college was over. I decided to make this commitment because I felt that God really wants me to focus on my relationship with Him during this time in my life. Reading this book has given me insight in what a relationship is supposed to be focused on, JESUS! If you fall in love with Jesus first then He will lead you on the right path in your relationship. I have two more years in my commitment, reading this book has strengthened my determination in going through with this commitment. “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” has erased all doubts in my mind. I know for sure that God wants me to continue in my commitment. One of the points that Joshua Harris says in his book is about Guarding Your Heart. In this chapter he mentions three pollutants. Infatuation, Lust, and Self-Pity. Infatuation is the one that I realized I struggle with. I might not take it to the point where I am always thinking about guys. But I do find my mind wandering to that certain someone quit often, and I am not even in a relationship. This has opened my eyes and has made me realize that my focus needs to be only on Jesus. As I go through my life I will read this book over and over again as an encouragement and a resource. This will be a book that I will look to when I start dating. I will always remember that I need to focus only on Jesus and have my eyes fixed on Him.

  • Skiingpowder
    10:35 on July 11th, 2013
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    The book that I chose is one of the best books I have ever read. It is not what the title portrays. This book gives you practical ways to make sure you’re dating for the right reasons. It helps you examine how you act in relationships so that you can help save the one you’re dating for the one he/she is going to marry. The world’s definition of dating needs to change. Looking out for your future spouse and enjoying the singleness God has given you right now should be the attitude taken during relationships. One day God will bring the “right one” your way in His timing, but only if you trust Him. Joshua Harris is the author of this book which teaches a new way to go about the dating scene. He was born in 1974 in Dayton, Ohio. He was homeschooled throughout his life and took up his father’s profession as a public speaker at the age of 17. He wrote “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” in 1997 and has recently released its sequel, “Boy Meets Girl.” He is now married and has one baby girl named Emma. Joshua is working in the church he feels God has called him to and is busy raising his family. Joshua Harris didn’t write this book from some scientific research, he was actually going through the same situations he was writing about. I recommend this book to anyone who is thinking about dating, is dating, or just broke up with that special someone. This is an incredible book that will change your life. The best part is that it has a sequel; “Boy Meets girl.”

    12:39 on July 11th, 2013
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    “I kissed Dating Goodbye”. The title alone is enough to scare anyone who is interested in the opposite sex out of reading the book, but once you open the cover and begin to read through the book, you soon realise that this book is *not* about “kissing dating goodbye”, but about approaching relationships with the opposite sex with a Godly attitude.

    This book is excellent. It’s full of practical, Biblical advice on how to balance emotion with commitment, romance with wisdom, feelings with truth.

    I would also HIGHLY reccommend the follow-on book “Boy meets Girl”. Boy meets girl was even more helpful for me and provided more insight from Harris who met and married his wife before writing the second book.

    I challenge you to read beyond the cover, and look beyond the words “I kissed dating goodbye”. You may find this book challenging, but I can guarentee you – if you read this book with an open mind, you will be changed into the person God wants you to be. You will treat members of the opposite sex with the respect and honour that God wants, and you will approach the subject of Dating or Courtship with a level of Godly maturity.

  • michael nieset
    15:07 on July 11th, 2013
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    I find Harris to be an engaging writer, and to have plenty of good Biblical examples. However, he extrapolates way too much from his own experience and generalizes it to apply to others. A whole generation, in some churches, is being raised on this philosophy, which while it has some Biblical principles behind it (especially loving God and serving God above all else), strikes me as legalistic. Have we really seen the fruit of this over the long run? Most of those advocating it did not practice it when they were teens, and they turned out OK. Sure, mistakes can be made and the “habits of highly defective dating” are valid criticisms. But Harris’ solution, I fear, may lead to stunted emotional growth and missed opportunities.

    The key premise is that “courting” should only be done when it is intended to lead to marriage, because anything else leads to pain and hurt. Yet, he acknowledges that people can’t always choose the right courtship the first time. So that defeats his argument, because otherwise you would be obligated to marry the first person you courted, to avoid the pain of a breakup. Last I checked, Jesus did not say that life was all about avoiding pain. Learning and growth involves difficult lessons. Of course, a Christian should not intentionally inflict pain on another, but any relationship — even the best marriage — involves some pain. By the same reasoning, why make any friends at all in high school, since you will probably move away and have the pain of separation? People get over it. Harris doesn’t seem to allow for the possibility of pure (Christ-centered, nonsexual) dating relationships that might lead to marriage, or might not, but are OK either way.

    I believe he is sincere and that the approach may be right for many people. And some problem may not really be Harris’ fault, but overzealous “strict construction” of his book, for example that a boy and girl should never talk one-on-one, or should only discuss superficial topics.

    Still, it would be unfair to “pan” the book, because Harris points strongly to overriding Christian principles which ought to govern all persons’ relationships, not just teens. He advocates radical devotion to God, that God should be the first love, and that selfishness is deadly. With those principles, Christians would generally agree. But good Christians can certainly disagree that all “dating” — even dating kept pure and guided by prayer and faith — is to be discouraged.

  • Shagadelic
    15:49 on July 11th, 2013
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    Wow! Wow! Do not hesitate in getting this book. I’m going to read it a 2nd time. Good thing I had a couple red pens because the first one went dry due to the need to underline so many wonderful, Godly points. Joshua Harris is remarkably mature and insightful for his age (early 20s).

    I’m 26 and now “I’ve kissed dating goodbye,” too. Having been incredibly hurt (and also causing an incredible amount of hurting) in my last supposedly-Christian relationship, the new, God-centered approach he outlines seems like exactly what God would have me do. I’ve learned to be content in this “season of singleness” and to seek to serve God and prepare for the future He has for me.

    Harris’ prayer for us is God’s prayer (Phillipians 1:9-11, “That your love my abound more and more in knowledge and insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruits of righteousness…”) This is just one of literally tens of Biblical references that guides Harris every step of the way.

    If I could have one wish, it was that I would have read this book in 11th grade, before I started dating. It would have saved me (and my ex-girlfriends) a lot of hurt. Thankfully, all things are made new in Christ, and it’s never to late to be made new!

    This book would also be great for married people! In fact, I gave a copy to my mom, both so that she can better understand her children, and also so that she can read about Harris’ insights into God-centered relationships.

    Harris challenges us to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ by protecting both our and their purity, and by not pursuing romantic relationships, contact or activities until God has prepared us and has given us the person He would have us be with. No, he doesn’t advocate becoming a hermit. On the contrary, his approach teaches us to cultivate deeper (100% Godly) relationships with members of the opposite sex, carried out only in group settings, so “that nothing need be hidden.” I’ve now got a “passion for purity” in relationships and life in general! While we can never completely eliminate sin, we are either progressing toward or away from purity. Previously, I had been stepping away too often.

    It also lays out a Godly path for dealing with tough situations in relationships. And it concludes with a helpful section on how to move toward marriage with a potential spouse in a Godly-fashion when God has ordained the “when” and the “who”! Rather than being an “obligation” to wait to date, Harris presents it in a way that makes me feel priveleged to serve God (and myself and His Children) in this way.

    Harris also includes many good references for further reading. I’m reading one of those books now, called “The Rich Single Life” by C.J. Mahaney. It’s also outstanding.

    I guarantee you’ve never read a book on relationships like this. As Harris says, “this is not a “how to date” book but a “how to break up with dating book!”" It’s impossible to say too many good things about this book.

    I’ve learned the importance of preparation, service, humility, contentedness, prayer, purity, love, gentleness, self-control, patience, knowledge, tenderness, compassion, vision, listening, and so much else.

    I’m literally on-line right now buying a case of this book to give away to friends & family. I’ve already given away 3 copies. In the inscription on my brother’s (age 16) copy, I wrote “This may be the most important gift I’ve ever given you.”

    I would strongly encourage anyone, whether in a relationship or not, Christian or not, to get this book and STUDY it immediately. It will change your life, too!

  • Frank Woodford
    19:50 on July 11th, 2013
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    IKDG is a wonderful book, but I understand completely how it can be viewed as frustrating, full of nonsense, and irrelevant. Of course it is! Harris talks about dating, a very grey area, whether discussed in youth groups, bars, or around dining room tables.

    When I first read the book, I struggled with some of his philosophies. My friends and I would debate the possiblity of two friends moving from group friendships to a marriage-focused “courtship.” In today’s world it just didn’t seem realistic, and many readers would agree. Yet, finally, I got it. Joshua Harris wrote the book for people who truly wanted a strong relationship with God, THE lover of our souls. The people who agree with this book have realized that a relationship with Him is the only way anything romantic would ever seem fulfilling. I know, that sounds like everyone who doesn’t like Harris’ message isn’t a strong Christian. I don’t mean it that way, but if you realize just how much God loves you, if you go beyond trite Sunday School statements and the tune to “Jesus Loves Me” that drifts in and out of your head with time, Harris’s message makes so much sense. There are moments when it doesn’t seem practical, but if you truly realize that God is in control, that He sees the desires of your heart, waiting is not an issue. I didn’t realize that when I first read IKDG, but now I do. Even if I’m 65 when I first walk down the altar, if I can wake up each morning between now and then and say “Lord, I love you. Remind me that You have a plan and a future for me,” then yes, I can and will wait.

    “Single Gal” in Boston wrote that IKDG doesn’t really apply to 30-somethings. Doesn’t it? Certainly circumstances will be different–they will be in high school, college, or in the 9-5 life. But at every stage of life God is there! It seems as though the people who dislike IKDG can’t give up dating. I thought I couldn’t. But if our Lover looks us in the eye and says, “I love you, I want you, come to ME,” can we ignore Him for the sake of a dating relationship?

    Ah, well, these are my thoughts. I recommend that anyone, before reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, pick up a Bible first and read Song of Solomen as a love letter from God to His Bride. Then go through Joshua Harris’ book with an open mind, but more importantly, an open heart.

  • GS Winning
    20:43 on July 11th, 2013
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    I’ve read this book and think it is very good. It let you see in another way how you will handle your relations. It let you see that love isn’t a game, it’s very serious. With what purposse do you enter a relation? I think it’s good to read both if you are in a relation or if you are single. Maybe you don’t agree with all, but it makes you to get new thoughts about dating and relations in a christian way and how you can serve God while you are single.

  • Willhelm Williams
    21:50 on July 11th, 2013
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    I first read this book over Christmas vacation. My brother had gotten it for Christmas and I ended up reading it before he did. I couldn’t put it down. This book explains what I’ve been trying to tell people when they find out I don’t date. A lot of people think it’s weird, but they can think what they want.

    This book is written so that you can absorb the information printed and then apply what you feel God is calling you to. No, you probably will not agree with everything he has to say. I didn’t agree with everything he had to say, but I agreed with most of it. It all comes down to the convictions of your own heart.

    I was really saddened by reading some of the other reviews. Mr. Harris did not say that dating was a sin. He explicitly said he did not believe that in the book. So many of my friends feel like they always need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The problem is, they always believe they hav found the one they are going to marry, then a couple of months later, they break up. I think that you have to be right with God, know who you are, and know where God wants you to be before you can add another person into your life. Then God will send the person for you into your life.

    To the man who said premarital sex was alright, I don’t agree with you. What happens if you don’t end up marrying that person? So many people get engaged and never get married. I believe that if you are truly in God’s will and are marrying the one he has chosen for you, then knowing if you are sexually compatible before marriage does not matter.

  • Luna Thevenin
    23:13 on July 11th, 2013
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    I read this book on the suggestion of a female friend, expecting it to be ludicrous and puritanical.

    I was actually plesasantly suprised. Rather than being a finger-wagging “dating is evil” tract, the book contained many nuggets of wisdom on matters such as truly honoring/respecting people, being unselfish, and waiting for what’s best rather than going for instant gratification (the example he used is choosing two marshmallows later rather than one now). I actually found myself agreeing with the first 2/3 or so of the book.

    However, I find some of his later positions to be a bit odd. He says that if two people are interested in each other, the man MUST make the first move (an arbitrary social standard, not from the Bible). Furthermore, a man must ask the girl’s father for permission to ask her to marry him. If the father is not available, one must ask a person “responsible for the girl,” such as the preacher of her church. I can perhaps understand the father issue (harmonious relations w/ the in-laws), but the “responsible for the girl” bit seems to imply that Harris believes women aren’t capable of making these decisions for themselves.

    I have heard that Mr. Harris has revised and reiussed this book (see the edition with the new, brown cover) and answered many questions/objections from readers. Perhaps he answered mine.

  • metal pole
    0:04 on July 12th, 2013
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    I Kissed Dating Good-bye ….YOU WHAT! I have heard that over and over ! This book written by Joshua Harris has taken this society by storm. This book is full of words of wisdom, stories and new ideas. Joshua has a great style of writing. His ideas have challenged youth (even a few adults) to treat one another with complete purity. This is a wonderful gift to any young person who is just starting to see what these whole male-female relationships are all about. I read this book at age 20. I wish I had read it 7 years before that. Give Joshua a chance to speak to you about what has been laid on his heart. My hopes are that this book would speak to you like it spoke to me.

  • Whois is DEZ?
    3:48 on July 12th, 2013
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    I’ve just bought this book again because I lost the first copy. When I read this book the first time, I really struggled with it. I am now reading this book a second time, and I’m still struggling! Any book that does not cause you to struggle and think about what you read, is not a book that’s worth reading. I am 20, going on 21. I’ve been searching for so long for a book written for teens from a Christian perspective. Every teen should read this book! It’ll definitely be a valuable learning experience!

  • Jason Webber
    5:48 on July 12th, 2013
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    When it was released a while back, ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ was hailed by much of the Evangelical Christian world as the biblical model for marriage preperation. It swept church camps by storm and soon many a teenager were making courtship vows and promises to abstain not only from sex until marriage (which I fully agree with) but also stuff like kissing and other intimate activities like it. Now that the initial ‘dust’ that followed its publication has settled, many in the Christian world are taking a closer look at it and finding that A + B does not equal C in Mr. Harris’s equation.

    First I must point out the many positive aspects of this book. He points out explicitly what many conservative Christians seem somewhat timid of accusing the modern world of: dehumanizing sexual relations and destroying the beauty of sex by making self-gratification the only aim of it and a lazsie faire approach to dating and marriage that has destroyed American homes, leaves people in emotional anguish, and scarred our children. For that along Mr. Harris deserves a hearty ‘Amen’ and a pat on the back. Few are courageous enough to clearly point out the evils of this behavior.

    The problem I have with it is the proposed solution. While Mr. Harris strenuously avoids calling dating a sin, by implication, he basically says that dating is not God’s way. While I would agree that the level to which dating has sunk recently is appaling and is definitely sinful, the author fails to prove to me that, given proper boundaries, dating is inherently worse than courtship. Consider this: the author points out that the emotional attachments that result from dating can injure people emotionally. However, if someone courts a person and ultimately they do not marry, how can both people avoid emotional turmoil? The problem is that even the author’s model of courtship, which purports to keep temptation and emotional involvement to a minimum cannot prevent it because it involves emotional risk, like EVERY relationship. Every relationship you have or will be in invovles a risk emotionally and spiritually.

    In conclusion, I think the author made great points, but his conclusions are overly-simplistic.

  • Rene Zettler
    9:34 on July 12th, 2013
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    I am 25 years old, and I have dated since I was 16, moving from boyfriend to boyfriend as soon as possible. I always felt lonely if I didn’t have someone to hold hands with, kiss, snuggle with, etc. But every one of my nine relationships ended in someone getting hurt because one of us was not ready to make the big commitment. I also ended up having intimate relations, as it is very difficult to say no when you are in a relationship for a long time. (I know of only a handful of 20+ people who have accomplished this.) After ending my most recent relationship, this book looked very appealling. I read it and I was all set to give up dating. Now that my hurt and anger have diminished, the books advice gets hard to follow, especially being the holidays…however…

    I have never been so happy with the direction my life is taking, and it’s getting easier every day. For anyone reading this review, please take heart and give this way of living a chance. The bad reviews sound like they are coming from people who do not have the conviction or will power to give up intimacy. You will meet many, many men/women like this, and they make it very hard to stick to your guns. And others make it sound like living like this makes it impossible to meet people – not true! You meet people of the same sex and become freinds, don’t you? Just treat the opposite sex the same way while you are getting to know them! (Very hard, but not impossible!) And just let me say – for those who think that Joshua Harris did not have enough experience or was old enough to know what he was talking about, I believe it is God’s message, through Josh, we are hearing when we read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please give it a chance – you will not regret it! I’ve gotten so many rewards already.

  • filmizlerik
    10:25 on July 12th, 2013
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    The Book IKDG “a new attitude towards romance and relationship. Use to be the norm in society, if you go back to your Great-Grandparents or even Grandparents. These principles/ideologies that Harris writes about is most likely the way they “courted”. There was a time in society when purity was valued now a days in the words of Harris people look at sex as “scratching each others backs”. While time and most importantly the decay of society is to blame for this, espeically lowering standards/values, the sexual revolution, the drawing away form the church, immoral behavior becoming acceptable. Harris book doesn’t touch on those topics deeply but Harris does challenge you to question why you “date” and if it’s aligned with God’s word and his will. The book Made me question a lot of my own views on dating, a bit about me not to get of topic but I have dated/gone on dates with more women then i care to admit, I have had physical relations with more women then I care to admit, and now as I type this, I can say that it wasn’t worth it, Harris is right, all the time people use to date for their selfish reasons, could be time use to do God’s will and work. There things I agreed with and then there some I didn’t, here are some of the biggest things I agreed with.

    5 Things I Strongly agreed with

    1. What is your motive for dating–as a christian man, in my past I’ve mostly dated for the wrong reasons including sex and affection. I came from a home were I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle who neglected me. I always wanted “someone to love” and if it meant putting aside my own beliefs so be. What are the reasons you date? are they pure and aligned with Gods? as you can see my reasons weren’t in the best interest of God or even the girl but just my own needs.

    2. God’s will in your dating life–To often we don’t trust God in our dating life, and are impatient, If people read the word and continuously seek God’s will with dating it would make it better, this is easier said then done but if you make effort the spirit will strengthen you in your resolve, this is were prayer, having someone to pray with you, and continuously reading the word help!

    3. Friendship Before dating–In today’s world a lot of people don’t get to know each other, my relationships that lasted the longest are the ones were the girl and I refrained from escalating to quickly. I look at my relationships with friends and girlfriends. How come I’m not friends with any of my ex’s yet with some of my friends I’ve known them for years? Friendship that is genuine is the cornerstone for any successful relationship, especially one that is a friendship in Christ!

    4. Sexuality purity–I would be a hypocrite to say I have followed this myself to the fullest(I’m a big offender), but I agree with God’s word that you should wait before you for marriage before you “hit the sack”. The problem is in today’s society sex is always pushed in our faces. This one is one were if you serious about the lord, you have to pray. I’m struggling with this one on a daily basis!!!

    5.Character and Attitude– Harris list on what to look for once you ready for marriage is a great list. For instance look what a girl does with her time, I never taught about this concept. If you are about to marry a girl but all she does with her time is read gossip magazines and goes shopping, is this the type of girl you wanna marry? or marry a girl who helps volunteer at her church, spends time with her family and friends, goes to the gym to better herself and most of all spend time worshiping the lord?

    5 Things I didn’t agree with

    1. Courting method–Supposedly Harris addressed this in his second book “Boy meets girl” which I have not read it as I’m typing this. However I don’t agree with Harris saying that you should go to talk to the parents of the girl and say “I want to explore the possibility of marriage”, this puts to much pressure on the guy and the girl. I know Harris states you shouldn’t Court unless you ready for marriage but like other reviewers have stated what if you break up? in theory Harris makes a great point but in practice it’s not always that black and white

    2. Dating Vs Courting–I’m conflicted with this, because to me Harris is just trying to put a “pretty name” on dating by calling it Courting. I have dated many girls, just for “fun” or “courted” girls in the hope of it being more. I know what Harris meant, there is no fulfillment in just “dating” and “hooking up”. Harris views people who date for fun as selfish. Modern Dating isn’t working if it is then divorce wouldn’t be so high (I agree with Harris on this) however can old-fashion Courtship work? Dating in group settings, being friends with no romance etc. I’ll have to try this!

    3. Pressure of getting Married–Harris says you only should go out in group settings yet when I read the epilogue it sounds like he broke that rule himself. The problem I have with just Courting to get married is the notion that people don’t have realistic views when they enter a relationship, which in turn is a recipe for disaster. Think about it, you never dated or courted. The first girl/guy you ever court you get married too, I know everyone is different but for myself I was a “hopeless” romantic just like Harris. I didn’t have backbone when it came to women because I wanted “love” (or better yet sex) so bad, I didn’t have respect for myself so how could I respect a woman? especially one of Christ?. It took getting my heartbroken numerous times and learning social skills for me to become mature with the opposite sex, however I still lack spiritual maturity. A lot of Christians lack social skills, and the pressure to get married right away isn’t gonna fix that. Instead i do agree hang out with a group/social circle, become a man of social savvy.

    4. Denying your feelings– Harris makes it sound bad that if people discuss their feelings for each other their moving to fast. In page 192 he says “don’t take things into your own hands by flirting or dropping hints about your romantic feelings” on page 199 he then endorses a list that says and I quote “Discuss feelings, concerns, visions, hopes, dreams, learn each others basic convictions” while I agree with the list on page 199, I don’t agree with Harris saying you shouldn’t be obvious with your romantic feelings. Attraction just doesn’t work like that, and in essence your still playing “the game”. This is why “Courtship” the way Harris views can be complicated. I did hear he addressed this issue in “Boy meets girl”. Personally I rather be upfront and honest with a girl because I’ve been on the other hand of the short stick, were I felt “lead on” it’s not a cool feeling

    5. Dating is viewed as bad–Harris states he doesn’t think dating is a bad, but the undertones are clear that he does (him using courtship repeatably) Harris fails to mention that dating can be great as well, it can bring people closer together and strengthen faith. This is what true dating of faith is suppose to do,if you put God in the forefront! To me dating to get married and Courtship are the same thing.

    Overall this book is a great book, I agree with many it’s a great starting point, there’s stuff I never taught about and stuff I don’t agree with but this book made me think. As I read this I made sure I read it with an open mind and heart, I hope you do the same.

  • Julieta Gracie
    13:05 on July 12th, 2013
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    The message in this book is timeless. The author, Joshua Harris, uses very real, down-to-earth examples to illustrate his points. He examines WHY he believes casual dating as we know it (especially the ‘going out’ among junior and senior high schoolers) is pointless and headed for disaster. This book hits the nail on the head. It points youth, adults, singles, marrieds, EVERYONE towards the ultimate goal of following God. I have thought that “not dating” was just a weird thing my parents made me do, but I read this book and it all clicked. This book has a much-needed message for everyone. I think if people my age (youth) would take this message to heart, the teenage pregnancies, the teenage marriages, STD’s, abortions, and broken hearts could be avoided. I love that this book is geared at teenagers. Most books on courtship are aimed at parents and are legalistic. Harris specifically says “I do not think dating is a sin. It’s just second-best.” This is more a book about following God’s Will for relationships than a set of rules. I highly recommend this for everyone!

  • aiman usmh
    16:34 on July 12th, 2013
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    This book is really helpful, and I highly recomend it. It covers everything from being worried to prayer to salvation. It has three or more scriptures (example: for fear, these are the scriptures: Psalm 23:4, 1 John 4:18, Psalm 19:11, Hebrews 13:6, and 2 Timothy 1:7) for each subject (over 70 subjects) and a page about it, followed by a prayer. And hey, even the cover looks cool =D

  • Mind Boggling
    16:58 on July 12th, 2013
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    Some of the other people who have written reviews seem to miss the point – It’s not about “not dating” it’s about not having the mentality of dating. Our culture places hope in breakup after breakup, and the only thing it has done is make our divorce rate go through the roof. What we need is a return to respect for God and respect for purity.

    What Josh is trying to say is that we need to get rid of this idea of dating anyone who passes by, and instead wait to get to know someone as a friend, see how they act, see how they communicate. Once we get to really know them(something that never happens in a dating relationship because of the “feelings” you have) then we can decide if persuing a relationship would be the best thing.

    I’m a guy, and unlike another reviewer, I still hold with Josh. Challenge your beliefs about dating, it will be worth it. Read his second book “Boy meets Girl”. He’s honest about his relationship with his wife. How he met her, how he pursued, and how he stayed pure until his wedding day. That’s what it is all about.

  • probrably
    19:10 on July 12th, 2013
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    I finally finished “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris, and I must say I’m very surprised. I threw away the book the first time around because I couldn’t finish it. I thought it was the biggest load of garbage I ever read. I wish I could have read it sooner. I will not share my experiences here, but it has lead to a lot of pain.

    Harris confronts the Christian world about our attitudes about dating. It’s not about dating or finding that special someone, but about the way we’ve approached both. It’s not “dating evil, courtship good,” but rather how we should please God in every one of our relationships. Of course, everyone’s situation is different, so it doesn’t apply to everyone. However, we should examine ourselves to see if we’re truly in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5), and to examine our motives in light of Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 13 to see if we truly love someone.

    Although I still find some of the ideas a little extreme (like not having lunch together, just you and a girl), I now understand the motive and intentions behind his ideas. Yes, it is about minimizing pain and temptation, but more than that, it’s a reminder that God’s grace is stronger than our will and our sins.

  • Tal Potishman
    23:19 on July 12th, 2013
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    I started reading this book because the author is the pastor of a friend’s church and he seemed like a really nice guy when I met him (he still seems like a nice guy ^_^).

    Anyways, though there are some points that do seem silly to the layman, I think he also brings up some good points that apply to Christians as well as non-christians.

    I started reading this book as a critic, and I definitely don’t agree with everything he says. But there are points about love vs. lust that I think everyone should consider before professing love for a person.

    Yes, I think dating is healthy during teenage years and that it doesn’t seem like a good idea to start dating when you want to get married (exact opposite point of the book). But despite these differences, and despite me not being a Christian, I find myself going through the book every so often to see what Joshua Harris has to say about the problem me or one of my friends is in.

  • baffledreader
    0:39 on July 13th, 2013
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    “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” is definetely a book containing the truth about dating. Joshua Harris has the awnswer to most, if not, all the questions people in relationships will ask. This book was one of three books optional to read. I chose it mainly because I had just ended a two-year relationship, so the title seemed to jump out at me. In the first chapter of the book Joshua Harris writes how he also broke up with his girlfriend after two years, so right away I was drawn into the book.

    The first chapter deals with being active in a relationship that doesn’t just feel good, but is good for the sake of the guy and girl. Almost every relationship pursued today are based on feelings derived from a source of physical activity. Whether it is holding hands or having sex, the result still gives the couple a wrong definition of love. Joshua says that love should be viewed from God’s point of view, not our own. That “view” is seeing the opposite sex with purity in mind, and not focusing on selfish needs. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to tell that relationships are distorted and are full of “setimental gush”. Joshua defines “setimental gush” as the way emotions dictate a relationship. I can honestly say that every relationship I have been involved in contained a false sense of love. I have always wondered why I have had such bad luck, and I know now after reading this book that I was “looking for love in all the wrong places”.

    The most valuable information I gained from “I kissed Dating Goodbye” was to start out a relationship with friendship as the main goal. Joshua says that by building a friendship you can learn the pros and cons of the person before entering a relationship. This way if you find that you don’t want to enter a relationship there is no sacrifice. I see it like a preview of a movie; if the preview is bad, the movie must be worse! To often guys and girls dive headfirst into relationships without noticing if there is any water in the pool. So what do you do in order to end these foolish ways? The awnswer lies in chapter three, which lists five great ways to avoid defective dating.

    This chapter really helped me to look at the dating scene differently. Basically, I had to give up my foolish and evil dating habits and start over with a clean slate. “It’s easier said than done”, says Harris, and that is true. I still find it hard to care more about the opposite person rather than myself. Humans natural instinct is selfishness. It takes self-control. One has to chose purity in a time of temptation. This doesn’t mean that a guy and girl can never be alone together. I’ve heard numerous friends say that this book is rediculous and unreal. Or that it takes all the fun out of dating. If you read the book cover to cover, I doubt you’ll have that type of view.

    So what is the point of dating? After reading “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” I realized that unless you are going to marry the person you date, there is no point to it. It will just end up a sad love story that happens again and again. Although, I do think that dating is to get an idea for what you want in a wife. I think this is appropiate as long as it is done within God’s will. If both people in a realationship install the qualities of this book into their life and relationship, it will reduce emotional problems and depressing breakups. If you give something away to the person you think you are going to marry before marriage and later break up, how are you going to give that same gift you gave to your future wife? Joshua Harris gives a great illustraion of a man going to the alter with his fiance. Right when the soon to be newly weds are going to share their vows, six girls from the crowd stand up and take the groom’s hand. These were the girls he had been involved with before his wife. He is eternally connected to them and he brings those past relationships into his marriage because he has already given a piece of himself to each girl. What does that leave for his wife? She gets the leftovers. I think about that situation and I will do anything to avoid being in that groom’s shoes! I think of every girl as a man’s future wife, or heck, even a woman’s future wife (That’s how it is these days). By viewing girls this way, it creates a deep respect for the girl. It prevents me from taking anything away not just from the girl, but her future husband. The future is ignored among humans these days. Desicions are based on the moment, not the future. If I would’ve read this book earlier, it would’ve saved me from a lot of agony and from wasting two years of my life in a pointless relationship.

    Overall, I think any person with an open mind and an interest for this book will like it. I do not know what guys in a relationship would say, but I agreed on all the issues Joshua Harris covered. I read the book with a mindset to find out what the purpose of dating is. So I guess people’s opinion will flucuate depending on what attitude they come into it with. I am happy with being single and don’t miss the burdens of dating at all. I have to thank “I Kissed dating Goodbye” for helping with the healing process of ending a relationship. Every couple should read this book if they want to last long in their relationship.

  • viagra
    2:39 on July 13th, 2013
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    First of all, when I first picked up this book, I couldn’t believe that a twenty-something-year-old SINGLE guy wrote this book. It was a two-way shock. One, I couldn’t believe that someone who was so young with little experience was bold enough to publish a book about dating and relationships. Then after reading this book, I was shocked again, but this time, at the wisdom this guy had at such a young age. But I know that many times age means nothing when it comes to wisdom.

    Since there are so many interpretations about this book, I won’t even attempt to defend this book. That would be Joshua’s part. I’ll share what I got out of this book, though.

    This book didn’t tell me to stop dating – I know, it’s contrary to its title. What I learned from this book is to have a different approach and attitude about dating. Before the book, I thought that in order for me to find my life partner, I’d have to date around. The scenario would go like this: If there’s a guy that I was interested in, I’d go on a date with him and if we liked each other, we’d enter into a more serious relationship and then see how we fit. If we’re not a good fit, we end the relationship and then when I meet a new guy that would interest me, another dating cycle would begin.

    Here’s the book’s approach to dating: When I find someone I’m interested in, rather than going on a date with him (so rather than jumping into a romantic relationship right away), I’d develop a good friendship with him first. If you think you can’t get to know someone by just being their friend, you haven’t experienced good friendship. The book explains that this is a healthier way to get to know someone (that is a potential spouse) without the ‘romantic’ pressure and confusion. This is what Joshua calls kissing dating good-bye. But he doesn’t end there.

    If, through your friendship the intrigue and respect grows, then you enter a ‘courtship.’ (I know I said I wasn’t going to defend Joshua but he DOES say that ‘courtship’ could be called whatever you want – e.g. DATING. So he wasn’t telling everyone not to date!!!) The difference between what people call ‘dating’ and ‘courtship’ is that ‘courtship’ is purposeful. You’re getting to know each other to see if you are right for marriage. How is ‘courtship’ different from the ‘serious relationship’ I described above? Well, in a courtship you wouldn’t be acting like your typical boyfriend/girlfriend. Rather, courtship would be like a job interview (but obviously more fun, less rigid, with more food). You’re taking time out to get to know each other to see if you’re both right for marriage.

    I bought into this book 100% because I’ve decided that I don’t want to hop from one relationship to another giving pieces of my heart away – I’d like to reserve that for just one person. Some people may say, you can guard your heart while dating…well, easier said than done. But if you think you can ‘date’ around and still have a purposeful relationship that honours God, then great! I wish you all the best!

    But if you’re like me, I highly recommend this book. Not only that, if you’re someone who’s entering the dating world, or are confused about dating, I also recommend this book to you. You may not agree with everything in this book, but it may give you some good guidance to dating.

    One last note about this book. It focuses on pleasing God. As Christians, we strive to commit our lives to God daily in all areas of our lives. For the singles, dating is a big part of our lives and this book constantly goes back to the question ‘Is this pleasing to God?’ Whether you follow the principles in this book or not is not the big question, but awareness and acknowledgement of God is.

  • goteamnumber
    4:40 on July 13th, 2013
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    Although I was married when this book was written, I am writing to let you all know that I followed many of the principles in this book BEFORE it was written.

    I asked God for my mate to be revealed to me when I was fourteen years old and my friends had all been having sex as early as age 12. I told Him that I would not get serious with any man unless it was God’s man for me and would wait for that revelation.

    There were several times when I almost broke that agreement and supernatural things happened to prevent me from making the worst mistakes of my life.

    I could never be a wife to a person who was not my best friend, so I never sought anything but friends and that is what I got. My best friend is my husband. Next year will be our twentieth anniversary.

    Although I did not follow every principle in this book, I did do many of them. And I am still very happily married, and God sees us through the rocky times. Now our son is reading this book. He has a real life example to see that is works.

  • John B Keene
    6:19 on July 13th, 2013
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    I had mixed feelings toward this book. There were many things about the author’s ideas that I did not agree with. I don’t feel that the way that he describes as the best way to go about wooing a mate would work the best. However, there were many doctinal issues that I agreed strongly with, such as his stance on purity. Although the title of the book is something I don’t particularly agree with, I respect the author’s motives and reasoning.

  • Chris W.
    12:33 on July 13th, 2013
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    I’ve read the book at least three times. I developed a Sunday School based on it and taught it to a group of about 20 young adults. Some found it very good and some found it to be impractical. One thing it did do was create a lot of thought about where dating fits in the life of a believer. I’ve read a number of the negative reviews in this section and found that many obviously didn’t understand the book (or probably didn’t even read it). While the Harris book can be applied in a legalistic manner, I don’t think that was Harris’ intention. I used the book to talk about having a Christ-focused life. In this context, the single person has to ask, what role does dating play in my life? I think Harris brings out some very good principles about intimacy (not just sexual) and other elements of the consequences of dating. Who we are at the core (foundational to true intimacy) is truly reserved for God, and then for our future spouse. We should be stewards of this. It shouldn’t just be given to anybody recklessly. Many of us spend our intimacy foolishly and then in marriage have little to give that is unique and special and that hasn’t become common given to a number of people through a number of relationships.

    The book is a good starting point for a single believer as long as it is kept in the context of developing a Christ-focused life. It is weak in its lack of depth and stark black and white assertions. I imagine that as he gets older and grows in wisdom, Harris will be able to fine tune his thesis and present an argument that has greater weight. I applaud him for his insight and his contribution to the lives of many who want to have a Christ-focused life. To those who don’t agree with the book…so what. Do as you wish, see where it takes you, and if you gain any insight and grow in Christ, write your own book. I am amazed at the many who critisize the book as if Harris crashed into their homes and forced them to change their lives at gun point.

  • Shane Jordan
    14:25 on July 13th, 2013
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    I Kissed Dating Goodbye, is a very informational book about the object of dating. I think he gives many good points about how insignificant dating is. There are too many people in this world that just treat it as a game and do not think of the future consequences. Dating can be a very emotional experience and most of the time someone ends up getting hurt. Most couples end up going out for a couple of months and get really close and then break up and end up hating each other. They get too wrapped up in each other and sometimes even get to physically involved. Doing things that they wouldn’t ever see themselves doing. They don’t treat the other person like they would want someone else treating their future husband/wife. If we go out with all these people at such a young age, what do we leave for our husband/wife? We experience so many things and by the time we get to our soul mate, we have already done everything. He talks about how some couples worry when they know that their spouse has already had sex. They worry about whose face they see when they are making love. What about other things? For example, when you go to the beach and watch a sunset. You have most likely already done it with someone else and you won’t experience that for the first time with your wife. This applies to many other things aswell. Dating is not a game and I think people who treat it like it is are lost. Teenagers are too young to be getting too involved with another person. Going out as friends and getting to know the person is fine. An intimate relationship with another person is out of the question at a young age. Both people have no clue what they are getting themselves into and they usually end up falling away from God. I know this from a personaly experience. You have to be right with God before you can start a life with another person. Dating can wait, because we should be concentrating on God’s will for our lives first.

  • Contus
    17:05 on July 13th, 2013
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    Some people hate IKDG, and some people love it.
    I belong to the second group.
    You know the saying “The proof is in the pudding”, so let’s see what difference Joshua Harris’ teachings on courtship make in real life.

    Here an experiment I’ve conducted, that you can try yourself. Go visit a singles group that has an overall dating mindset. Most singles groups do. If singles groups make you uncomfortable, that’s why! Observe how guys and girls interact, and see how the `atmosphere’ feels like to you. Notice how the most good looking guy and the most good looking girl have more people flirting with them or paying attention to them than other less physically attractive people.

    Now go to a singles group that has embraced a courtship culture. Where do you find such a singles group? All sovereign grace churches embrace Joshua Harris’ teachings, so you can just find a local SG church at and visit their singles group.

    You will notice the HUGE difference in the atmosphere and in how men and women interact with one another between a singles group that embraces dating, and one that embraces courtship.

    In the group that embraces courtship, instead of a predatory `feel’, it has a familial feel. Men and women interact like they are relatives (brothers and sisters), or old friends. There is a level of comfort, and candor, and lack of flirting that is unlike other singles groups. Notice how the attractive ones are treated no differently than others, and how everybody get about the same level of attention. You don’t see a bunch of guys surounding the prettiest girl, or a bunch of girls around the most handsome guy. There’s no beauty contest there. People are not trying to attract the greatest number of people, or `get a date’. They just want to get to know one another like family.

    I’ve always avoided singles groups like the plague. The only groups I belonged to were open to everybody, not just specifically for singles. But one of my friends invited me to a discussion group a few months ago. He didn’t tell me it was a singles group. I went there and I liked it. I attended the group’s events several times before I even knew it was a singles groups! That’s how relaxed and familial the atmosphere was. I was certain that the difference in the interaction between guys and girls must be because they did not expect to date one another, but just wanted to build sister/brother friendships. I asked my friend if by any chance that singles group was into coursthip rather than dating. And he confirmed it: they were all for courtship, and the familial relaxed atmosphere there was a direct result of a courtship culture. That group is also part of a Sovereign Grace Church.

    I read IKDG when I was 23, and all my Christian friends read it, and it really has made a difference in my ability to develop friendship with guys. Before IKDG my best friends were always girls. After I read the book and was part of a culture that embraced courtship I developed several close friendship with guys. Some of my closest friends today are guys, and my best friend is actually a single guy (it helps that we are absolutely not romantically interested in each other,mostly because we know each other so well we are like twins).

    Thanks to IKDG I’ve had long lasting (10 years) close friendship with single guys, I haven’t had my heart broken in a series of dating relationships, I was able to use my singleness to improve my serve in ministry.
    And those who say that if you don’t date, nobody will want to marry you, are wrong. Several people inquired as to if I would be receptive to enter a courtship with them. I didn’t need to date them for them to consider me as a potential wife. However I turned them all down because of a huge difference/incompatibility as far as passion for ministry was concerned.

    Keep in mind that a passion for the Lord and for ministry will make your life rich and rewarding whether you are single or married.

    I also hightly recommend Don Raunikar’s “Choosing God’s Best” for a more methodical, highlty detailed approach to courtship (each step from being an acquaintance to being married is described with tips on how to proceed to each following step).

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